Cancer Perks

I’m a strong believer in Love Languages – the idea that you need to know how you best like to be “loved” and that the people around you may want to be loved in very different ways than you. Those that know me well know that my top 2 love languages are Receiving Gifts and Words of Affirmation. And its incredible how many resources are out there that help to fill my Receiving Gifts “cup.”

Yesterday I attended a workshop sponsored by the American Cancer Society called “Look Good, Feel Better.” You spend 2 hours with several other women going through cancer treatment and licensed cosmetologist learning how to apply make-up and as part of the workshop you get a WHOLE BUNCH of free makeup. Like enough full size makeup items and brushes to completely replace the makeup you have in your caboodle (I’m not the only one who still has a caboodle, right?!). Getting that much free makeup swag, that I legitimately do not need, was awesome. Plus, I got to meet some other women going through cancer which made me feel really fortunate to be going through this as a (relatively) young and healthy woman, with an incredible medical and personal care team. Also, it made me feel really good about being a Millenial who knows how to use YouTube, so that I don’t need to rely on an in-person makeup class to figure out how to fill in my slowly thinning eyebrows. This week I also got a “survivorship” kit from Sharsheret, that included a cool healthy kosher cookbook and a trapper keeper full of helpful reading materials (clearly the accessories of the 90s are BACK in full force, and I am here for it!)

And then there are all of the AMAZING gifts I’ve been getting from my friends and family. For every round of chemo I get:

• a patch for my jean jacket from Chelsea (girl scout patches no less, another great 1990’s throwback!)
• a gemstone added to my super-power necklace from Bailey that has 4 different types of gemstones (Rose Quartz, Amethyst, Citrine & Prehnite) that have special healing powers for breast cancer (hey, it can’t hurt!)
• a gift from my sister-in-law Jaclyn and
• a gift from my mom

These guys get me (and know how exciting it is to know that when i return from Chemo I have special things waiting for me). Plus, so many of my friends have been sending incredible cards and care packages with treats, and helpful remedies (I think I now have at least 8 different ginger treats in the house!), and all around fun stuff. I LOVE getting snail mail because it involved my two love languages in one package – and when you have Cancer, you get a LOT of fun snail mail (which balances out the not so fun snail mail like bills and medical reports). I say that I love getting care packages because it relates directly back to my love languages. When I was chatting with a buddy who dealt with breast cancer a few years back she warned me, “Its weird, you’re going to get a LOT of presents.” “THAT’S AWESOME!” I responded. What’s amazing to me, was not to my friend – clearly Receiving Gifts is not one of her love languages! My point being, just because I love getting gifts and cards doesn’t mean everyone going through cancer will – it’s important to know how that person likes to be loved, and to respond accordingly.

So, all in, cancer isn’t all bad. But I’d be remiss to pretend its all sunshine and gummy bears. Because it’s not. This week I spent most of the week feeling very nauseous despite a LOT of very strong anti-nausea meds. And I’m exhausted. All of the time but on Thursdays and Fridays in particular when I can easily sleep 14-16 hours and still feel tired. And in addition to these very typical symptoms, I’m starting to get some of the extra-special “treats” of chemo. I’ve got neuropathy in my toes, which means they feel like I just took off my ski-boots after a day on the slopes (tingly & slightly numb) but no matter how much you rub them, or warm them up, my toes feel that way, all the time. Its not painful, but its really weird, and it serves as a constant reminder that I have cancer, which emotionally feels pretty crappy. Add to that, my hormones are seemingly out of whack – making my skin break out like I’m back in High School, and giving me middle of the night hot-flashes despite my bedroom being kept at a crisp 62 degrees. Plus, after shaving my head down to a #2, I’ve got folliculitis – a bacteria infection in my hair follicles caused by a weakened immune system, and follicles that are more open and exposed than usual – its uncomfortable and I think it looks disgusting (Chelsea promises me that most people won’t even notice it – but I can see it (in the mirror), so I think everyone else can too).

And I’m not even halfway through chemo yet. And it feels like I’ve been doing it forever. I miss work and my coworkers and having a reason to get dressed nicely every day. I miss having a week that starts on Monday and not Tuesday. I miss my old routines. I miss not having cancer.

AND to add to all the cancer bullshit, winter is on its way in Minnesota, which means we’re losing ~3 minutes of daylight A DAY – which has always caused me to be in a fairly foul headspace throughout late October and early November until the combo of my sun lamp and daylight savings time ending start to get my brain back in order (It took me something like 8 years of being really depressed during the first week of November for me to realize that maybe I’m affected by the depletion of sunlight).

Unfortunately, this week I’m feeling pretty shitty, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Fortunately, by the end of today I’ll be one week away from being halfway through chemo, and that feels like its worth something. Plus that means the cancer perks continue for at least 12 more weeks.