California Dreaming

Last week I got to spend 5 days in California on a trip that had been booked since February. And because the world works in fortuitous and mysterious ways, this trip couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. Last Tuesday I did Round 4 of chemo, this time without the Carboplatin because in the words of my oncologist, “It would be a real shame to have a survivable cancer only to be killed by chemo.” After my anaphylactic reaction during Round 3, my oncologist, the on-call oncologist and the covering oncologist all agreed that removing Carboplatin from my chemo regimen was the smart path forward. (Dr Tsai was on vacation hiking in Croatia that week, but still taking calls and giving direction for my care!)

In the hierarchy of the chemo drugs I’m receiving, the Carboplatin was icing on top of the layer cake (where AC is the base layer, and Taxol is the top layer) so it was “nice” to get it for three rounds, but is not so critical that its worth risking my life for – and that’s literally the concern with continuing on Carboplatin – my body’s response will get more severe with a growing risk of death each additional time I receive it.  The removal of Carboplatin last week in Round 4 was to confirm the assumption that it was the cause of my reaction – and if I got through last Wednesday night without a severe reaction, Carboplatin was officially kicked off the regimen, and I could go to California. So last Wednesday night, with a temperature of 98.2, no rash to speak of, and feeling fairly good (all things considered) I zipped up my suitcase and got ready for a California adventure.

The origin of this California trip starts before it was booked in February. In fact, it starts in the summer of 2013, when Sheryl Sandberg published her book Lean In. My friend and co-worker Jolene and I attended a workshop at Target about Lean In that coincided with the release of the book, and there we learned all about Lean In circles – “a place where women can be unapologetically ambitious; a place for sharing ideas, gaining skills, seeking advice, and showing solidarity; a place where we help each other become our very best selves”. We wanted a Lean In circle. And Jolene, being an expert connector gathered 5 other women at Target (me included!) and our circle was born.  In the 5 years since we first gathered, we’ve had weddings, babies (7 if I’m counting right!), moves, new jobs and a lot of wine. In 5 years we’ve grown together, and also grown a LOT as individuals. These 5 women are my squad: Jolene, Shannon, Nikki, Sarah & Juli.

We no longer all work at Target. In fact, I’m the only one who still works at Target. And we no longer all live in Minnesota, so getting the 6 of us together isn’t the easiest thing to finagle. Shannon did some work for 1440 Multiversity – an adult learning destination in Northern California, and she thought it would be the perfect place for us to gather later in the year. When 1440’s Fall catalog was released in February and we saw there was a weekend program called Brave Magic hosted by Cheryl Strayed (author of Wild) and Liz Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) we knew we had found the workshop for us. And it took us less than 12 hours to manage schedules, family, work and everything else to get it all booked (a real miracle!)

So to say I was excited for this trip would be an understatement. And it did not disappoint. We arrived into SFO early Thursday morning and before heading down to Silicon Valley, we decided to tour San Francisco in the most touristy way possible – via yellow go-cars. It was silly, and ridiculous, and so much fun. You know you’re doing the most fun thing in a city when the locals AND the tourists are all pointing at you and taking pictures as you drive by. Also, anytime you find yourself having to manually push a go-cart in reverse in order to make a u-turn because the San Francisco road you were attempting to drive on was a little too steep for the 150cc go-cart you’re driving instead of asking yourself, “How did I get here?” you should be asking yourself, “How lucky am I to get to experience this utter goat rodeo?!”

After our go-car adventures, we then drove a real car (a Kia SUV rental from Sixt) down to 1440. Thursday evening through Sunday morning were spent with Cheryl and Liz (yup, I’m on a first name basis with them now) and about 600 others (mostly women, mostly writers) digging deep to get real about mining our curiosity, supporting our creativity, and embracing our challenges with courage and bravery. We got to be a part of interviews with Liz and Cheryl, experiential workshop sessions, and opportunities for reflection, to discover how our attitudes, habits, and determination—along with healthy doses of magical thinking—make it possible to keep the faith on our journey and show up fully for what arises. Plus there was a spa with a eucalyptus steam room and outdoor infinity pool overlooking the Redwood forests; delicious, healthy farm-to-table food; endless classes during breaks including yoga, tai-chi, qi-gong and guided nature walks; and outdoor fire pits perfect for evening hang outs.

It was AWESOME. I wrote a letter to my fear, drew a picture of my cancer, met some incredible perfect strangers, and most importantly got to spend time with my squad.

And then, on Sunday morning, Juli, Nikki and I hopped back into the Kia and headed to Sonoma. Because if you’re going to be in Northern California during harvest, you really owe yourself a trip up to wine country – even if you’re not drinking wine. Between Sunday afternoon and Monday evening we hit our favorite wineries for special members-only wine tastings at Schweiger, Iron Horse, Kokomo & A. Rafanelli (thanks to Juli for her wine-savvy and impressive roster of wine-club memberships) and had delicious meals at Glen Ellen Star, Dry Creek General Store & Chalkboard. Because of chemo, I did very little drinking on our adventure, but the weather and company more than compensated for my sobriety.

And then, on Monday evening after a long weekend of spiritual fulfillment, soul searching, joy, love and friendship, I hopped on the red-eye to be back home in time for Round 5 of chemo.

Unfortunately, my California adventure was filled with less wine and activity, and more naps and medicine than I would have preferred.

Fortunately, the California adventure happened, and I was there, and it was glorious.