How the hell did I get here?

For most, if not all, of you, it’s a complete surprise that I’ve got Breast Cancer. So, I thought I’d share the (semi-brief) history that got us to this point, and what the next few days will look like. It all (sort of) started in December:

December 2017 – I bought 23andMe kits for my Dad, Brother and I as a Hanukkah gift

January 28, 2018 – 23andMe received my saliva

March 14, 2018 – My 23andMe results came in – as expected, I’m half Ashkenazi Jewish & half European “mutt”

April 17, 2018 – 23andMe informs me that my BRCA mutation reports are in, and I tested positive for one of the BRCA1 mutation variants (5382insC to be exact) – which is fairly common in those of Ashkenazi decent. Since I have no family history of Breast or Ovarian Cancer (that I know of) I don’t lose too much sleep over the results, but I start taking my breast health more seriously and make sure I’m doing robust monthly self exams.

June 2018 – I felt a lump in my right breast during my monthly self exam (this breast is also now affectionately known as “Ralph”). I decide to wait a few weeks to see if it changes before going to the doctor.

July 23, 2018 – Ralph still has a lump – its not small but I’m not sure if its bigger than before. I call the doctor thinking its about time for my annual checkup. It’s not that time, but they recommend I come in anyway.

July 30, 2018 – I go to my GP, she confirms that Ralph has a lump. I get scheduled for a mammogram (my first)

July 31, 2018, 8AM – I go to the radiologist, Dr Shearer, for a mammogram and ultrasound of both breasts. Radiologist confirms that I have a mass in Ralph, as well as a mass in my left breast (now known as “Lauren”). Radiologist recommends a biopsy ASAP.

• Side-note: the mammogram isn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I’ve been led to believe. If you’ve avoided getting a mammogram because you think it will hurt, you should go. Its more comfortable than that time you got felt up by your teenage boyfriend in 1998, and not at all painful.

July 31, 2018, 1:30PM – I return to Radiologist for biopsy. I have core-needle biopsies performed on Ralph & Lauren. It doesn’t hurt – thanks to a generous shot of lidocaine on each side. The nurse and I spend the 45 minute procedure talking about lacrosse (her daughters are coached by friends of mine, shout out to True Lacrosse MN!). Radiologist leaves behind teeny-tiny pieces of metal in the areas where the biopsies are done so that they can be easily re-found if needed. Post-biopsy mammograms are performed – so that they have images of where the little metal bits are placed. Radiologist says results will be back tomorrow after they are reviewed by two lab-techs, himself, and another radiologist.

August 1, 2018, 1:15PM – Results are in, the mass in Lauren is benign, but the mass in Ralph (the one I felt in June) is cancerous. That’s all they know for now, but the lab will be doing further tests on the cancer cells to determine if they have specific protein responses that will have an impact on treatment recommendations. They connect me with a surgeon, Dawn Johnson, at Piper Breast Center. I have a few friends’ moms who have been treated at Piper, with great results, so I’m game to pursue treatment with them. I get the next available time with Dr Johnson, on the following Tuesday, August 7th.

August 2, 2018 – It’s my birthday. I turned 35. I spend the day at work trying to stay busy, but mostly freaking out inside.

August 3, 2018 – I get a breast MRI as another “input” for Dr Johnson. It’s the weirdest MRI I’ve ever had – you’re face down for the 45min procedure, with your arms over your head, and your boobs are dangling down into these boob-holes. My right arm was asleep within 30 seconds of the MRI starting, and I had a booger in my nostril that really wanted to be picked for the entirety of the procedure. Otherwise, I tried to spend the time not thinking about cancer. I sang the majority of Taylor Swift’s Reputation album to myself, attempting to adjust the beat of the song to the beat of the MRI machine’s noises. The MRI tech was entirely unimpressed with my performance, but said I did a good job staying calm and still, so I’m calling it a win.

Unfortunately, now I’m just waiting for my initial consult with the surgeon on Tuesday.

Fortunately, I’m taking the week off of work, and spending as much of the week as possible at a friend’s cabin – pretending for now that things aren’t about to get real weird.